Dear World,
One of my readers sent me an email awhile back really wanting to hook up with me. I usually don't reply to these emails, but after being harassed so often to send a nude picture of myself to him, I had to reply. I told him "I'm not interested in hooking up, I am open to talk to you, but if all you want is ass, you've got the wrong guy."
He being a regular on my blog (probably reading this right now) knows that I am closeted. So, he replies to my email by saying this:
"Well honestly, I would like to make a new friend. But I prefer to be friends with out guys like myself. And yes, I am masculine.
No offense, but I don't really respect closeted guys. If all the closeted guys had come out, Prop 8 probably would not have passed."
Okay, how stupid is this? Just because I'm closeted doesn't mean I voted yes on prop 8. Me being out or not did not effect my vote. This is how I replied to that email:
"That's too bad you have to come to those conclusions. I'm just not as fortunate to be presented with a situation where I could come out. Nonetheless, I still voted against Prop 8 and I do plan on coming out eventually. I respect your opinion, and I guess I'll leave it at that."
He replies:
"I agree it's unfortunate that you don't have the COURAGE to come out. I was presented with very difficult situation growing up in conservative St. Louis, Missouri, but I still had the guts to come out despite repercussions and homophobic backlash from my family. Everyone is presented with situations in which they CHOOSE to come out. haha, well let me know once you muster the bravery to come out completely, then we'll talk again."
How do you respond to something like that? When you know he is partially right. He is right. It does take courage to come out, and I can respect him for coming out in a situation where there was a lot of backlash. I'll admit, after reading this email I contemplated coming out to my friends. But again, I don't feel the need to. I don't feel trapped in this cage. I don't feel like I would be a different person even if I was out. So I never really know what the point is.
I'm sure it must be nice to be out, but to simply put it, I just don't feel ready to come out of the closet yet. What I don't understand, more then anything, is why some people feel the need to force people out of the closet. I don't understand how some of my readers can get so passionate about me being in the closet and how much distaste they have against me for it.
I just want people out there to be aware of the pain you can inflict on people. If you have a closeted friend/sibling/ cousin/ etc, don't be so forceful in trying to get them to come out. They're already torn as it is, they don't need you to make things worse. Show them love and compassion. Frustration will only push closeted individuals , like myself, further into the closet.
Of all people, you would think that my gay readers would show the most sensitivity to closeted individuals. But unfortunately this isn't the case. Many of you guys are really against me being in the closet and feel the need to call me names. So it is almost like I am being scrutinized by both the straight community and the gay community. So where does a guy like me find acceptance in this world?
Peace and Love,
Anonymous
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10 comments:
It is unfortunate when you get shit from your own kind.
If it makes you feel better, the primary reason why I read gay blogs is to live vicariously the lives of closeted homosexuals (I'm out and never had a problem with being in the closet.) Closeted love dances (you know the subtle flirting, the eye contacts, the unexpected hook ups, the giddiness about the 'straight' roommate, etc) are really hot!
One aspect about a society with more acceptance towards gays that I don't really look forward to would be the proliferation of effeminate homos. Which is...gross. lol
And gays make not like this but when it comes to the pursuit of gay rights such as the fight against Prop 8 I'm indifferent. If it passes, good. If not, I don't really care.
Go at your own pace. More than love and compassion, I feel that tolerance and patience are more necessary.
To each his/her own. You do what you feel is best for you, what you feel you can and cannot handle, and no one else should force something on you that you feel isn't right for you.
I think it doesn't matter who you are, scrutiny comes from everywhere. True acceptance begins with the self - and that's the hardest one of all.
what the fuck.
the tone of those emails to you is just nasty. it's ironic how we're part of a community that prides itself on being diverse and open-minded when there are still individuals who go against this.
seems like this person can't grasp the concept that 1) you don't want to hook up with him, and 2) everyone's situation is completely different.
do it on your own time. i support you 100%!
How do you answer that? You don't. He's a waste of time and energy. It does take courage but timing is important also and if you are not ready, then your not ready. Enjoy your life as it is. When and IF being in the closet becomes a problem for you, you will know it's time to come out.
this is always something i get really sensitive about, when i was going through the process of coming out i was outed to my friends and my family, mostly it was people with good intentions, but there was one situation where it was a malicious attack. And while now I'm now i'm out and happy about it, i still wish i had the opportunity to come out myself, thats something i can't really get back, and since i was outed when i wasn't really ready to it took me even longer to get comfortable with myself and my sexuality
when i have friends who ask me about siblings they have who they think are gay and if they should ask them about or try to get them to say it, i always so no, ts part of the road of self discovery they have to walk, if it takes you many years that would be unfortunate but thats how long its has to take.
Just passing through while surfing around the blogosphere...
Minor point about his Prop 8 comment... I would interpret it not as implying that you voted for Prop 8, but rather that if more closeted people were out, then more people in general would know that they knew gays and have a better understanding of gays and consequently more of those people would have voted against it.
One can recognize that there is some truth to this without being forced into one choice or another about coming out or even to feel guilty about one's choice. It is but one very small aspect of the many factors that play into such a decision. Only you can balance all such factors that apply to your personal situation and decide when the best time will be.
People who paint with a broad brush saying it is *wrong* to be closeted are just as intolerant as those who insist that it is *wrong* to be gay.
The guy's obviously upset that you won't hook up with him and he's trying to get back in a mean-spirited way. Ignore him and others who pretend to know what's best for you, without knowing you and your situation at all. Continue being your peaceful and nice self.
Joehairy is absolutly correct concerning the Prop 8 comment. Being out or in the closet doesn't change the way you voted but being out might have changed the way people that know you and love you would have voted. With that being said, everyone has to come out at their own pace. You will know when the time is right and you feel comfortable in doing so. My issue with coming out at a later age (34) is one of regret. I didn't experience so many things because of being in the closet so I try to encourage others to come out as early as possible. Even though you don't think things will change once you come out, they will!! You will be more free to talk to those that love you and share your life experiences with them. I encourage you to come out but at your own pace and on your own timing. Good luck and don't let others dictate you life decisions.
As to leaving a long speech of wise advice, I will simply say:
I don't follow organized religion, But I do believe our actions our weighed, and those will get what they deserve,
Atleast you can say you came out of that with dignity, and not falling to his level of shit, but insulting someone into doing somthing.
(L)
Keep posting stuff like this i really like it.
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