Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Dear Leon

Dear Leon and the World of course,

I got a message from one of my readers and it read:

"From reading your blogs, you seem to have a perfect family. Great parents....why haven't you come out to them yet? I do understand your dad is a judge and came from Vietnam=conservative. Your mom would be the perfect person to come out to first. Anyhow...love your blogs


Leon"


Well Leon, times like these I wish I didn't delete my old posts because it had an explanation for this. Anyways, when I was younger, maybe junior high my mom said something that is still vividly in my mind today. She said "if any of my kids were gay, I would die." And while she has seemed to have become more open minded, I feel like she is not ready yet, and neither is my dad. And even though my dad is asian you would think that he would be the more conservative one, well he is the more liberal one. I am sure that both of my parents would accept me for who I am, but fact of the matter is, I am not ready for it.


There is something about coming out of the closet that freaks me out. I like my life right now, and I fear change. And my parents aren't going to be happy either, they'll accept me, but they won't be happy about it. I mean, what parent would right? One of my worst fears is letting down my parents, so I guess I am just holding off on it. However, don't think it hasn't crossed my mind here and there. And I am almost positive that they suspect something anyways, so ill just give them time to think about it, to brace themselves. Sorry I have to keep this short, my tests have been owning me. Bleh.

-Anonymous

10 comments:

Aek said...

I can understand how you feel. It's never easy I think. I'm still mulling over what I "am."

Anyway, good luck on your exams! My biostatistics exam next Tuesday is going to own me so hard it's going to hurt. T.T

David said...

good luck with your midterms!

Ryan said...

I love those pics, and i totally know what you mean. also this lily alen song is soo good.

joshua said...

I can totally relate.

But yeah, just live your life the way you see fit... and hope for the best I guess.

And the whole coming out ordeal can be thought about later.

"Change is scary."

I second that, but sometimes without change, there can be no progress?

*hugs*

ryan field said...

I never actually came out...not in a formal sense where I sat family down and said "I'm gay."

What it did do was take an aggressive "this is who I am" approach. If you want to ask questions, fine. And if you don't, that's fine too. My brother is gay, and he did the same thing. I never officially knew he was gay until we ran into each other at The Roxy one Saturday night.

Over time, family and friends adjust and learn to deal. And you live your life as you see fit :)

Doomed But Cheerful! said...

Rings a very familiar bell - not letting people down (parents especially) - it is hard to square one's sexuality as being a let down - but I do understand what you are saying, as there is no way I am telling my dad about me (and I am way old!)
As for what Ryan said about just beng who you are and answering questions if they are asked, that's much the line I have walked.
I learnt early that no matter how we might fool ourselves, change is constant, and to fear change is to live in fear. So like a favourite lover, I embrace it each day! G =]

dickophile said...

youll come out when you're ready. but be careful cause you may accidentally blurt it out. that almost happened to me a few times. is that sean opry? i lust him.

Glog said...

Coming out is not easy...
No matter what though.. your parents will still love you...
I came out once and they were terrified and then, they kept it silent as though nothing every happened...

CUT SLEEVE BOY said...

good luck with midterms. i'm suffering through mine too =(. and i can totally empathize with the whole letting down the parents thing and i'm not out to them for the same reasons. but all in time, so hang in there bud. good luck on your journey!

Jamie Lowery said...

I love those pics, and i totally know what you mean. also this lily alen song is soo good.