Monday, March 2, 2009

The Time Machine

Dear World,

I barely even get to catch a break before finals decides to rear its ugly head. So right now my eyes are stinging because I've been reading too much. They feel dry, heavy, and uncomfortable and I can't wait to sleep. Okay now on to the things I really want to talk about.

Anyways, lately I've been feeling like everyone is moving on with their lives. I feel like everyone is either a couple or too busy getting wasted every night. Being in the closet and single leaves this sense of loneliness that lingers in the back of my mind. I am extremely independent, don't get me wrong, but sometimes I feel like the world is moving on without me. People seem to care less and less about friends and more and more about their significant other. The gay people that I do know are too caught up with the "scene" and are too busy mad dogging other gays for me to even care. So where does that leave me? It leaves me with my aspirations and goals. If I can't change someone's life, in the way that a lover does for his significant other, I will change someone's life in another way. Which is why I am going to Thailand this summer to teach english! But really, sometimes I question my own motive. Am I really doing this out of the goodness of my heart? Or am I just killing time to keep my mind off of this lingering loneliness?

I like to believe that one day I will do a lot of good. But right now, it seems like being your best, comes at a cost. I always wonder where will I be in 15, 20 years. Will I be in love? Is falling in love really what defines someone's life? Because as of now, I haven't had too much luck in that department. Sometimes I worry about this. Especially when more and more of my friends are becoming more distant. I like to believe, that in the future, I will have my law firm like my Dad. Have other people work for me, and just go traveling and do humanitarian stuff. Falling in love has never been a part of my blueprint of life. Do I really need a significant other to be happy? or will this be enough? But I think the real question is, where are all the goodmen?

Peace and love