Thursday, April 2, 2009

Outed, again

Dear World,

Many of you wanted to know why I was so bitter about Nick, my ex-boyfriend. Well part of the reason why we broke up was because he is kind of stupid, but it also turns out he couldn't stop running his mouth about me. What makes me angry was that I trusted him. When I came out to him, he told me that I could trust him. When it's all said and done, he did hold up to his word. But when things didn't work out he told so many random ass people that I was gay. What I realize about this world is that it is much smaller then you think. You think some people are so far off in another social circle, someone who you think has no connection to your life but you'd be surprised.

Nick told one of my distant cousins I was gay and had a relationship with him. And this distant cousin, is a total crazy girl. She has been out to get me since I was born. Bitter about her baggage she has always wanted dirt on me so that she could basically tarnish my "image" with my family. Nick knew this, and told her anyways. When I found out, I was so angry/ scared. I was scared that my cousin might tell an Aunt, an Aunt my tell an Uncle, an Uncle might tell a Mom or a Dad. I don't know, maybe I'm just paranoid. But being gay is a secret that I kept so well on my own, and the moment I trusted someone my secret was compromised. 1 person becomes 2, 2 becomes 4, 4 becomes 16, so on and so fourth. And it is all due to this one person, Nick, someone who told me I could trust him. I have yet to understand why he told me cousin, knowing her hatred for me.

Now you guys might all be wondering why my family sounds so fucked up right now. My Dad's side of the family is highly jealous of my Dad's money, and has always tried to find ways to pinch dollars out of him. My cousin develop this zeal to ruin me, ultimately from her parents. When your parents teach you to hate someone at an early age, they WILL hate that someone. I don't know if Nick planned this, but when I found out I really had no words for Nick. My blood was boiling with anger. I called him, probably said some pointless means things to him, and that was that. I never talked to him for a year. It's sad that our relationship has to end this way, but what can I do? A friendship is based on trust and I can't trust someone like Nick. There are so many things that people don't know about me, and I like it that way. I am not an emotional person, and I like to keep things to myself. For a moment, I thought it was a character flaw and decided to go out on a limb and let go of my emotions. Turns out I've been right all along. 

Sometimes I wish I hadn't deleted my older posts so that I can show them to my new readers. Does anyone know how to recover old posts that have been deleted? probably not huh?

Peace and Love,
Anonymous 

17 comments:

Stephen Chapman... said...

There are some petty people in the world and you can only distance yourself from them. They WILL get there comeupance once day.

And perhaps, from my experience, being outed can be seen as a favour - for 1 or more people, at least you dont have to say those heavy words: "I am gay"

etre-moral-etre-sincere said...

My answer is very simple (though is probably not that piece of consolation you want to hear) - none of that would have happened if you were out. It's so easy to steal from dickheads like Nick all their outing weapons - be out, and they won't be able to do anything.

TroubledMnd said...

So have you heard anything from this cousin of yours lately? Any leaking of the "news"?

Stu said...

Not sure if you can "recover" deleted posts... but as I read your blog through Google Reader, rather than on blogspot.com, I seem to still have all your posts - the first one that I can see is titled "The Life Post: The Beginning"

If you really want them, maybe we can work out a way to transfer them over to you...?

Random Thinker said...

live your life for yourself, not your family, not your friends... that will make you a better son, brother, friend.

and that applies to how you define yourself and who you share things with.

if your cousin wants to out you, there's really no way to stop her. what you can do is control your emotions, react in a way that is being true to yourself, and approach any questions from others in that manner...

best of luck.

underneath said...

Your blog is charming, really!

Ryan said...

I know what you mean, being gay is a huge guarded secret and I have trust issues too. So i completely understand where you are coming from.

cvn70 said...

nick was an asshole if yuo ask me and peter from peter's blog recovered his old posts recently maybe h ecould help you recover teh old posts

take care andbe safe, have a good day

bob

http://gayboyfrompa.blogspot.com/
peter's blog above

Aek said...

I understand exactly how you must feel (though, my family is far from malicious . . . as far as the relatives I know). It almost sounded like me restraining my emotions, and I'm sometimes worried that if I let go and "show" my emotions, I'll get hurt similarly.

I don't have advice, or consolation, but I did want to reaffirm that you're not the only one to feel the way you do. And Nick did a shitty thing to you.

As far as recovering your older blog posts, I'm not sure if there's a way. There might be an "Undo delete" button, but if not, I actually still have your old posts in my Google Reader (I don't think Google Reader deletes posts, ever). I could copy & paste them back to you, if you want. Just let me know.

David said...

what a fuckin' jerk!

my advice is if/when rumors spread and you are confronted about it, keep calm, tell them you're not ashamed and that you like who you are. then what can they do after that?

best of luck and hang in there!

borg_queen said...

I'm sorry for what happened with you and Nick but I've told you before, never trust a thief.

Anonymous A.B.E said...

The guy (Nick) sounds like a tool; at least you've learned something though.

j said...

i'm glad somebody on this planet has a family with a dynamic as unhealthy as mine. yay.

but also i'm sorry about it.

Anonymous said...

I called this. I knew Nick was gonna be a bad guy, you should've listened to me.

Anonymous Blogger said...

Thank you everyone for your comments! I really appreciate them all.

silverrrcloud said...

Do yourself a huge favor and learn from this experience. Nick is not the only man, who'll first promise, and then quickly unpromise as it suits his needs, moods or whatever.

You want to build up your exit and emergency strategies ASAP.

Take this as a threat and act accordingly by working towards your independence and making sure that you soon get to the point, when you can calmly say,

"Oh, you say I am gay. I do not care. Why should you?"

I always knew that some guys were out there to use any bit of information on their hands to hurt anyone who around. Why? For the same reason the dog licks his balls. He can.

Being your own man and running your own show will take the wind out of their sails very quickly.

If nothing succeeds like success, the opposite is true, too. Nothing fails like a failure...

SC

silverrrcloud said...

Do yourself a huge favor and learn from this experience. Nick is not the only man, who'll first promise, and then quickly unpromise as it suits his needs, moods or whatever.

You want to build up your exit and emergency strategies ASAP.

Take this as a threat and act accordingly by working towards your independence and making sure that you soon get to the point, when you can calmly say,

"Oh, you say I am gay. I do not care. Why should you?"

I always knew that some guys were out there to use any bit of information on their hands to hurt anyone who around. Why? For the same reason the dog licks his balls. He can.

Being your own man and running your own show will take the wind out of their sails very quickly.

If nothing succeeds like success, the opposite is true, too. Nothing fails like a failure...

SC