Saturday, January 9, 2010

Freedom's the shine, let it peal your mind when you're dancing

Dear World,

I did a brief post on getting involved with a bi-sexual guy a few days ago. If you haven't read it, click here. Okay, so now that we're all caught up, the update between him and I is that we are still talking. It's very casual though. I don't think he is looking for anything with a guy, and is trying to get serious with a girl. Am I disappointed? Yes. I'm not disappointed that we didn't get serious, I'm disappointed that we barely talk. We can hardly be considered friends. Having a chance to open up to someone was the nicest part about this whole thing. But I've come to realize that this guy, Gabe, has more issues to deal with before he can be comfortable enough to be open to me.

I could tell that this poor guy is torn. He sought comfort in me while he was with his girlfriend. It makes me wonder if he is just dating her because that's what he feels is more normal then dating a guy. He has said to me once "I can't get serious with guys because I can't bring them home to my family and friends, and I can't hide my feelings when I truly love someone." So is it that he wants to be with a girl? or is it that he wants to be with a guy but can't? Bi-sexuality is very confusing. I used to think it would be the biggest luxury to be bi-sexual, but after meeting more bi-sexual people I realize that it's not. At times I think it could worst then being gay. I find that for many bi-sexuals they spend a huge part of their life trying to figure out if they're gay or straight. What'd I'd like to say to that is, maybe there is no definitive answer. The human mind is so complex, let it be, when you know you know. Love knows no gender. There is no reason why you have to pick one.

I really want to be here for Gabe, but I can't do much when he is distancing himself from me. I'm not gonna force myself onto him. So for now I'm making sure he knows that I'm available to talk, but yet maintain my distance at the same time. I know he wants to talk to me because he messages me on aim every so often to see how I'm doing. I used to have the false assumption that Bi-sexuality was rare, but as I explore my own sexuality here on this blog I have come to meet many bi-sexuals and realized that their community is much larger then I anticipated. You guys are not alone.

I wish I knew more about Gabe and his story, which is why I encourage many of my readers to start their own blogs or to just do anything that will help people understand us a little bit more. Which brings me to my other point.

The guy in the image up top is of Mike Manning. He is one of MTV's newest cast member to the MTV Real World. He is involved with the Human Rights Campaign and the Energy Action Coalition and is also bi-sexual. I read his bio only to realize that he and I have many similarities. We both come from backgrounds of much success and popularity. He was prom king, so was I, involved with sports, so was I, and our parents think we are perfect except for one minor detail. Their cast is going to be in Washington DC, the perfect place to do some advocacy work. So I'm extremely curious as to what this guy is going to do. I think tuning in will be worth your while. I have a feeling he is going to be big voice for the gay community and I always have a lot of respect for people who put themselves out there. It's really hard to share your story to a very judgmental society, I would know. I'm a firm believer that the L.G.B.T community needs to stick together so show him some support.

My blog is extremely limited to what it can do, but I hope that it can grow more and more each day. As of now I get about 11,200 views week. The amount of people that it equates to is a tiny variable in a much larger equation. I don't know if you knew this about me but I do plan on going to Law school to leave as an advocate for gay rights. I have an amazing internship right now and I do aspire to go to Harvard Law School. Maybe one day you guys will be voting for me, but don't worry I'll be an openly gay politician by then. I'll see you guys out there. Email me: Also, I've harnessed the power of tweeting. Follow me on twitter!

Peace and Love,

p.s. To understand my readers more, can you kindly take the surveys below. Thank you!

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Aek said...

Thank you for this post. I think you see clearly the issue that many (most?) bisexuals face. Things are always easier when they're black and white, gray is just confusing.

Work hard for law school! I know a friend of a friend who got into Harvard Law School. Good with all you do.

Anonymous said...

I got really emotional reading this post, idk why but you really hit the nail on the head. I love your blog and what it does for me. please keep it up.

david said...

once again another amazing post. hope things are going well with you in the new year!


Anonymous Blogger said...

Aek: No thank you for always commenting on my posts. You never fail me. And congratz to your friend that got into Harvard, it's a pretty big deal. lol

Anonymous: that's nice! I love comments like yours. It is very encouraging to me.

David:My new year has been hectic! You would know wouldn't you. We both go to southern california schools. blehh.

Anonymous Blogger said...

Aek: No thank you for always commenting on my posts. You never fail me. And congratz to your friend that got into Harvard, it's a pretty big deal. lol

Anonymous: that's nice! I love comments like yours. It is very encouraging to me.

David:My new year has been hectic! You would know wouldn't you. We both go to southern california schools. blehh.

Vincent said...




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Nahanni said...

Oh, yeah, I'm commenting on three-year-old posts, but no bother; someone will probably come along even later and may appreciate what I may contribute... or it will add to the evidence that society is changing.
Bi-sexuality, homosexuality, or heterosexuality; are they sexual or emotional states? Should the terms be applied according to the gender one is comfortable being emotionally connected to or simply the gender with whom one can engage in sexual activities?
They are often not the same.
I concern over the number of pre-teens and young teens who are declaring themselves homosexual because they have an interest in sex with their own gender, or because they have an affinity for their own gender, without realizing that same-gender identification is an absolutely normal part of childhood and may last a short time or a long time.
At what point one experiences true emotional commitment vs. strong friendship, and the meaning of any sexual activity within either realm, is certainly a grey area of understanding, but the differentiation does exist and should be taken into account both by the one experiencing the issue and by anyone else in their sphere of influence.
Good post: thought provoking.